I am a karmakaze just waiting to explode..

AAAHHHHH!!! it's been a really long time since I actually even looked at this site...I'm just sick of livejournal...in fact, I've been writing there less and less....only when one of my friends writes a post then I'll go ahead and comment on it, but other than that, nothing really in mine..
...besides, I've been avoiding an ex-friend on there and so far, it has worked!!
Anyways, I've now reached what my studio professor "lovingly" refers to as "ANXIETY WEEK!!" It's the week where all the Art Foundations students go crazy trying to get their portfiolios together neatly because Friday is the day when we turn everything in...for PORTFOLIO REVIEWS.....when we find out what departments we get into and what our majors will be.

Soooooooo, either everyone will be relieved when all this madness is over, or they'll be more stressed out because they'll be wondering if theyll get into their desired major.......uuughhh, this week will be the bane of my existence...and in some horrible, masochistic way, I'm looking forward to it....well, looking forward to getting a decent amount of work done.

Tabula rasa....it means "clean slate.." that is what I plan to start out with this year.

Thank God 2005 is over....it wasn't all that bad, but the bad parts of it were excruciating...however, having said that, there were some absolutely amazing parts of 2005...like meeting Chris....and then eventually going out with him...yeah...I'd have to say that he is the best thing that happened to me last year =) !!

Too bad we didn't really get too much time together....his bitch manager had him working until 10:30 last night and then scheduled him to work at 9 this morning...ugh...fucking bitch needs to retire and stop taking out her menopause on the workers...oh well.

Tonight is the last night of Chanukah...not expecting anything but a surprise would be nice....like enough money to finally get another pair of baggy guy pants!!

Ah well...here's to 2006!!!

If only I could sleep....I'm so tired...but I can't.....because every time I lay down, I feel sick.

This is really stressing me out....I went to the gynecologist today and asked for a pregnancy test...it was actually a blood test, which personally, I like better...I already give myself a shot every day, so I'm used to it. They said that I should have the results by tomorrow....or rather, today.

I'm kinda scared...I mean, the only symptoms of my period that I'm feeling are moodiness...which is rare...I feel nauseous....and my period is usually never on time anyway...I refuse to take birth control because I'm on enough medicine...it would be one more pill to add to the pile and I really don't feel like doing that. Also, I don't want the added side-effects....I deal with enough as it is.

DAMMIT!!! Being female really sucks sometimes.

can you fucking believe it??  A FIRE ALARM AT 5 IN THE FUCKING MORNING!!! it took me forever to wake up from it...i thought it was just some kind of a dream...and i was really fucking pissed when i realized that it wasn't.
so krystall comes to get me and anna-marie and we start to leave and wait outside of the building...freezing our asses off!! so we're waiting and waiting and waiting, and getting numb from the cold, and waiting some more, until finally, they let us back in.
on the way back in, i bump into laura and michelle!! i was so happy to see them because i hadn't seen laura for months and i hardly saw michelle at all anymore...and yeah...at the same time, i was really really pissed. i had tried calling michelle, leaving her messages, writing stuff about how much i missed my friends and how i felt that i hadn't done shit to try and see them or talk to them, and then, there they were....and she never bothered to even fucking call me.
so much for being my "best friend"....and the greatest thing is, I LIVE RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO HER!!!

i can't help but feel cheated....thanks to katie, i question everyone now.....also thanks to her, i have no sympathy left....so when one of my good friends tried to jump off a building last week, i just sat there in a daze...i didn't know what to think.

am i over-reacting? i know that she's allowed to have other friends too, but dear god....would it fucking kill her to give me a damn phone call?? am i just not convenient enough? do i not understand or not fit in with the group she's been hanging out with? i dunno, she didn't look too thrilled when she saw me this morning...whatever, fuck it...if i have to cut her out of my life as well, so be it. i hate dealing with bullshit....

GAHHH!!! damn studio class....the painting is due tomorrow for critique (just watch we won't even get around to doing it because of everyone else's work). Luckily, I did myself a favor and started working on it last night, so at least a good portion of it is DONE!
But..I'm le tired....or lazy, it can go either way. I'm in bed, on the computer and I should be working on this thing...aaaaaaaaand I'm not...damn me and my procrastination..but I'll get it done...eventually....